Well, it’s that time my lovelies. Time to say goodbye to my beloved Large Marge. Yesterday I turned her in and turned over the keys. She’ll be cleaned up and sold off for someone else to love. We’ve been through a lot over the last three years. I can’t ask her what she learned from me because, well, she’s a truck and can’t talk. What I learned from her though is incalculable.
Resilience, perseverance, confidence, patience, and tolerance just to name a few. Ok, I’m still working on those last two but aren’t we all just works in progress?
When I decided to enter into trucking I was lost. All of my life I’ve struggled with depression and feeling like I don’t really belong. It’s led to questionable choices and some unhealthy habits that I will probably always struggle with but everyday I wake up and refuse to give up on myself. After my divorce I really didn’t know who I was. I traveled across the country to land in Washington hoping to rediscover “Me”, and ended up finding the same strange lost girl who never fit in and still couldn’t seem to find her way. I met some really amazing people, but I was still very unsettled and feeling like I would never get ahead in life. Those feelings, coupled with my depression issues and the fact that all of my family was back in the Midwest, and well it was a recipe for disaster.
Falling Down a Rabbit Hole a.k.a doing nothing but watching videos and letting them lead you from one place to the next. That’s pretty much what led me to where I am today. One weekend while horribly depressed over my life (or lack thereof), my choices, and finally lack of options I left myself with, I decided to turn off my mind and just turn on YouTube. I can’t tell you what video I started with, but I eventually found Allie Knight and after watching several of her videos I found the haze around my brain finally lifting. As I watched I started thinking “I could do that.” I spent the next month on various websites learning about the differences between companies. I knew I didn’t want to go to an actual school but rather wanted to learn on the job, I knew with my back history I couldn’t do flatbed as I wouldn’t be able to consistently lift 100lb tarps and the more I learned about tankers the more I knew I wanted to stay away from them. After much reading and research, I finally settled on where I am now, Prime Inc.
Things with Prime weren’t always easy, but no one ever promised life would be easy. If it was easy then everyone would do it, right?
Throughout this trip I’ve seen some cool things, like the centrifugal force on freezing rain and lug nuts.
I’ve seen beautiful places and driven roads I’d never driven before.
Everything hasn’t always been wine and roses. There were several times I almost quit. I hit wall after wall and while some were easy some felt like they were insurmountable. Some of the wall issues were work related and some were personal related, but through it all I kept on keeping on and pushed through every one. Things also didn’t always go well out on the roads but the thought that kept me going was “It could be worse. I could be sitting in a cubicle farm pretending to be someone I’m not and with no view.” Arguably, I have the best view out my office window.
Most importantly, on this weird trek I found something not only about my self but for myself. I found that with this job I can be who I want to be without feeling the need to conform, and that I didn’t have to really sacrifice to do it. Yes, sometimes this job is a sacrifice in and of itself, but it’s one I’m willing to work with. I work longer hours and with less days off than a traditional 9-5 job but after working plenty of those in my life, I’m pretty ok with what I do now. Yes, sometimes it’s lonely and people that I can connect with are few and far between but I also get paid to sit around and listen to audiobooks all day long and I have no boss trying to micromanage me even though they have no flipping idea what I do.
One thing I definitely do more these days is smile. For the first time I can honestly say I love who I am. I’m ok with me and just being me. I’m not everyone’s cup of tea because I’m dark and bitter like coffee, but those who love me love me for me and that’s all I need.
So now that I’m currently a truck driver without a truck I’m going to be taking the rest of the month of March off to chill and get some much needed rest and family time. After that, it’s back to Prime to pick out a new truck and train to be a trainer.
Being a trainer is something I’ve gone back and forth over and at the end of the day I feel it’s right for me. There are plenty of women out there who are doing nothing but sitting around waiting for a female trainer to become available. I know what that’s like and it sucks, so it’s time to show more ladies how to chew bubblegum and kick some ass.
Who run the world?
Until then my lovelies. I’ll leave you with the last bath Marge got. Xoxo