It’s been a minute…


Hello my lovelies. Whew! It’s been a ride over the last few months.

Ever since picking up my new ride, Mad Maxine I’ve been training.

Look at those spiky shoes!

Training has been, um well I’m just gonna say interesting. The first thing I realized is that not everyone is cut out for trucking. I mean, I knew that but it became more apparent when I started to train.

My first trainee I had high hopes for but early on I realized she wasn’t going to make it. She refused to allow me to sleep, kept waking me up for things I had told her multiple times, and finally had a full on melt down because she didn’t believe she could make it through a toll booth. She missed signs and when I asked her if she saw a particular sign she would say “No I can’t read signs.” Um, dude! That’s one of the biggest parts of our job. We have to read every fucking sign on the road.

Needless to say, she decided that trucking wasn’t for her and she was just going to “go and become a Walmart greeter.” Le sigh I wish I was making this shit up but unfortunately I’m not.

My next trainee was a woman from Texas who didn’t believe in masks, didn’t believe in being vaccinated, and didn’t believe in modern medicine. I was able to make it through her training but I really can’t stand people who don’t understand basic science but claim to be highly intelligent. If this offends you, go pound sand. I could spout a multitude of resources but at the end of the day I no longer care about anti-vax people and while I don’t wish you dead I won’t mourn you either.

After she got off my truck I took three weeks off and came back to more craziness. My next trainee only lasted 24 hours with me. I could go into it but let me just say that there is only so much crazy I can deal with and hers was way over my limit.

My fourth trainee I had high hopes for but early on I realized she was walking that crazy line. The first tip off was when she got out to learn to fuel the truck wearing only her socks. Now, if you’ve never stood at a truck diesel pump, let me tell you they are one of the nastiest places to be. Not to mention every truck stop smells like a urinal due to dudes pouring out their piss bottles where ever they want, the fuel island itself is just amazingly gross. It pretty much went down hill from there. The final straw was this.

It only took one boulder…

My student made a right turn into this parking lot and wanted to make a left (for some reason) into a car parking area. This boulder was Gandalf in this situation saying,

She didn’t listen to Gandalf and as I was trying to sleep I hear this horrid screeching sound and wake up yelling “Stop! What the hell.” She looks at me with this innocent wide eyed look and I say “what did you hit?” She answers “Um, I don’t know.”

I just stand there for a moment looking at her while I can feel myself about to lose my shit.

So I get out and say “There is a fucking boulder under the trailer.” To which she replies “Oh, I didn’t see it.” I just stare at her. I mean, it’s an actual boulder. Not a big rock. It’s as big if not bigger than the hedge. How blind do you have to be to not see a boulder that’s right freaking next to you?

So I have her back off the boulder (She originally thought she could just go forward and to the right and it would be ok) and we made an incident report. The best part of this whole story which played out over the next 24 hours is that she felt I should be held responsible for her driving over a boulder while I was sleeping. Seriously, I couldn’t make this up if I tried.

She became super passive aggressive which is my least favorite childlike state, and finally she informs me on Saturday of Labor Day weekend that she’s getting off my truck on Monday, to which I reply “Oh no, we’re making that today. We’re driving right past Salt Lake City and I’ll drop you there.” She tries to say that they said Monday and I again informed her we were done and If she’s getting off anyway there is no reason to delay. She then asked if it was her turn to drive which I replied “This isn’t a merry-go-round. You don’t get a turn. You’re done.”

Now I have another trainee, Jess, who is actually great. The first out of 5 who is completely made for this profession (even if sometimes she doesn’t trust herself). We’ve talked about teaming after her training. That’s how well it’s going. There’s only 2 problems with that. First off, she has adopted a pittie and while I love pitties, there isn’t enough room in my truck for 2 adults and a dog. Some people may be able to do it but not me. Secondly, I need a change.

When I got into trucking it was with the intent of eventually moving into entertainment hauling. Concert hauling is where I’ve wanted to go and was the impetus for me getting my CDL. My plan was to finish the lease on Large Marge and move over then, but Miss Rona and her skanky ass (The corona virus) had to get all up I’m here and essentially put everything on hold. Well, now things are running again and I want to run with them.

I’m currently in the process of applying to companies to do just that, Entertainment hauling. This life is too hard to not be doing the thing I ultimately want to do. So, that’s what is next on the horizon. Hopefully with the change I’ll have more to write about. I mean, I could easily do a 5000 word essay on the horror that is sitting at a walmart distribution plant for 6 hours but who wants to read that drivel?

Here are some sights seen along the way. Until next time my lovelies. Be bad and take chances.

Canyons of Utah
Vail Pass Colorado
Sunrise clouds

7 thoughts on “It’s been a minute…

  1. HerculesGaytorade

    Why do you have the spikes on the lugnuts or whatever? Is it simply because it looks aggressive and pugnacious, or is there an actual reason? 🙂


    • It’s definitely a look. I actually didn’t put them on, the previous owner of this truck installed what is called a chrome package which comes with hub covers and spikes and is worth about $3000. Considering all the road grime and salt that you get during the winter months which can be corrosive, the chrome does give it a more polished look, but it’s a complete vanity thing. If it hadn’t come already installed I’d just have normal wheels because I’m not that vain.


  2. Nancy Jackson

    Well there you are! Your life is definitely interesting! John and I moved to NC in May. We lived in an apartment in Winston Salem until we closed on our house in September. The kids and grands are still in WA. It is very hard being so far away, but we have enough of WA. I never thought John would move from WA. but he had enough. Stay in touch and be safe!


  3. Suzanne Shobe

    I love that you’ve taken the truism “Life is too short to be unhappy” to heart. Thrilled that you know when you’re done – with anything or anybody. Best of luck in your new endeavor. Any concert tour would be lucky to have you!


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