No, not the Hannah-Barbera classic of my youth. What I’m referring to is the load I just delivered.

Not all loads are the same. For loads such as the one I had the last two days, well I’ve taken to calling them Secret Squirrels. These loads are considered High Value loads and special procedures have to be taken with them. The video training for this was hysterical. Lots of over the top sneaky guys looking over the top sneaky and dramatically over acting and reacting in every scene. You know what I’m talking about, right? If not, all you have to do is watch any infomercial and you’ll instantly understand.

Some of the procedure examples for Secret Squirrels are;

1) No stopping within 200 miles of pickup.

2) When we do stop we must send a message indicating where we are (exit #, mile marker, truck stop name, etc) and how long we plan to be there.

3) The freight can’t be left unattended for more than ten minutes, unless placed in a pre-screened secure yard/ware- house, with cameras, on-duty guard, and fence or secure building. Also when stopped you should use Cuff Locks to secure your brake lines.

4) Never discuss what we are carrying. Basically, Fight Club rules apply.

5) Depending on the freight, or at the shippers request, additional rules may apply.

The value of the freight is what classifies it as High Value (I know you knew that but I feel it still needed to be said). Types of freight that would classify as Hi Val are pharmaceuticals, flat screen TVs, a trailer full of iPods/iPads/iPhones, and a trailer full of Victoria’s frilly bits (you know, the secret ones).

For my drive yesterday I drove from Tucumcari, NM to Kingman, AZ about 643 miles. It was pretty uneventful and somewhat boring. New Mexico is a beautiful state. Arizona has its moments but since it was dark as I was rolling through I missed those moments.

New Mexico currently has my favorite welcome sign. I think it’s just lovely.

Sometimes when you’re on the road, a sign will catch your eye and it will bother you for miles. This was the one for this trip:

Years ago, while living and working in Tulsa, OK, I had a friend named Sam and his biggest peeve in life was people who ended sentences with prepositions. He would be incensed by this sign. I then wondered (and this occupied my mind for at least 50+ miles) if the creative minds behind this campaign wrote this deliberately to stick into minds like mine who knew it was a slap in the face to the English language, or if they wrote it this way because it is how many Americans speak. Also, the lack of descriptor of “it’s” really bothered me.

The really amazing thing that happened on this trip was this:

No, not the mountain silly. Well it’s a bit hard to see in this picture. Let me try this a different way.

See it?

I drove with the mother trucking window open!!!! Oh it was glorious. After being in freezing weather for weeks to finally get some fresh air that wasn’t also trying to kill me was just lovely. I rode like that all day until the sun went down and it did wonders for my mood. That’s not to say I was in a bad mood, but the sun and the wind definitely turned my day up to 11.

Currently I’m in Fontana, CA waiting on a new load assignment. The plan is to route up back to WA so I can finally get my CDL license.

If you have any questions, comments, concerns, or random dad jokes, let me know.

Happy New Year to all of you. I hope your holidays were wonderful and drama free.

My time in the Big Apple started out fun and ended just being too long away from the open road. I did fall completely head over heals in love with New York and if I won the lottery I would totally buy an apartment there where anyone I knew could go to stay and fall in love with New York for themselves.

One thing I realized on this trip is that I need a better camera than what I have on my phone. Lady Liberty isn’t as crisp and gorgeous as she should be and that’s a damned shame. Don’t worry, dear readers, it’s on the list for 2018.

On Tuesday (1/2) I headed for Penn Station to take an Amtrak to Rochester so my trainer could pick me up and take me to the truck. Now a smart person, one who has ridden Amtrak several times, knows to check the status of your train before leaving the house. A smart person who’s overly excited to get back to work just blindly goes to the station to find out that the train is delayed due to the tracks breaking.

Ok…Broken tracks, lets talk about that for a minute. I now work in a field that is dangerous for several reasons. I can mitigate some of those dangers by being alert and smart while driving. What scares me is all of the stories talking about our crumbling infrastructure. Hearing about broken train tracks only heightens this feeling of unease but actually being out and seeing overpasses with huge chucks of concrete taken out of them downright terrifies me. If this can keeps being kicked down the road instead of being addressed then more people are going to die. It’s as simple as that.

Sorry for the rant.

One of the things I realized during this time off is that I really missed being at work. That’s something I’ve never had before in my adult life. Work was always a chore and something I had to force myself to go to. It’s just one more example of how I made the right choice in becoming a professional driver.

We finally got a load assignment on Wednesday and off to Ohio we went. It was just in time as the Bomb Cyclone was scheduled to hit the east coast in the next 24-36 hours and I really didn’t want to be here for that. This load would be taking us back across the country to the LA area and I was ready for warmer weather.

Tomorrow we will talk more about the freight I’m hauling. It’s what I’ve termed a Super Secret Squirrel load.

As I got behind the wheel for the first time this year I got a bit nervous. I wondered did I remember everything I needed to? After hooking up to the new trailer I knew it was just like riding a bicycle. Once my first mile was behind me I laughed at myself for being silly.

Total miles driven on first day back on the road: 657.7 along the blue line.

I am now an official CDL holder.

Holy amazeballs I actually did it. Well, it’s not like I’m surprised. I do have a habit of being annoyingly persistent enough to get what I’m shooting for (boys being the exception but that’s for a different blog).

Yesterday started with my feelings alternating between throwing up and passing out. I didn’t really think I would fail, but I have serious anxiety about testing. I mean, take a drug test for example. I know for a fact I can pass one, but I’m always super anxious while awaiting for the results. My brain is dumb sometimes.

One of the trainers took me out with his student to get driving experience. I was making all sorts of bad mistakes and I knew it was nerves, but even knowing that didn’t help to put me at ease.

Back at the practice pad, I sat in the truck I would be testing in and numbly sat staring out the windows. I went over all of my pre-trip information in my head trying to make sure I didn’t miss anything. After a few minutes I saw my examiner walking towards me. Now was the moment I had been working towards. I took a deep breath, exited the vehicle, and walked forward to begin.

The tests are randomized in that you can pull a A, B, C, or D test. This would determine what pretrip you would have to perform and what backing maneuvers you would have to do. D was the worst and one I really didn’t want. D would mean a full engine compartment all the way through the entire vehicle for a pretrip. I pulled a B, which meant I had to do the drivers side door to the rear of the tractor, the coupling area (an area I struggled with) and the lights. I took a deep breath and started. Door side to rear of tractor was perfect. Coupling area…I struggled. At one point I knew I had missed something so I went over everything again, finally realizing I forgot to mention that the air pressure in my tires was checked with a tire gauge and the mud flap.

I looked at the examiner and said “ok did I miss anything?”

He gave me a smirk and said “I don’t know did you?”

I met his smirk and responded “I think I got them all.”

He looked at me all serious and finally with a wide grin he said “You did!”

Next was on to the lights and in-cab inspection and I nailed both of those.

First hurdle completed and zero points accumulated.

Now was on to the backing maneuvers. Everyone has to do a straight back but the other two maneuvers I pulled was a left side off set and a alley dock. Psh…piece of cake. I was super cautious with my alley dock as I came in a bit wide. I used both of my get out and looks and both of my pull ups. Once I was in the box I nervously said “am I straight?” The examiner looked hard on both sides more than once and finally said “nicely done.”

Second hurdle and I was still point free.

Now it was on to the worst part, the driving test. As the instructor gave me the preliminary instructions I took deep breaths to steady myself all the while chanting “don’t F this up” in my head.

Before starting out I looked at my gear shifter and said “ok 7th gear, don’t mess with me today. No hiding. I’m not playing with you.” The examiner laughed and I smiled and said “you gotta tell ’em how it’s gonna be, ya know?”

At my first major intersection my first hurdle appeared. A surveyor had pulled up, parked on the corner, and set up cones. This meant I needed to go much further wide to not hit him. I looked at the man, called him a jerk, and proficiently made the turn.

My drive went well, even with other motorists putting themselves and my score in jeopardy, up until the very endI made a mistake in an intersection I needed to turn left in. I miscalculated the time I had to turn and ended up slightly impeding traffic. Knowing I had scored my first points I started to make a couple of really bad mistakes, including coasting to a stop out of gear and having problems finding the right gear. All minor but things that again cost me points.

At the last stop light before turning back into the yard I took a deep breath and my examiner said “I’m going to take some pressure off you right now. As long as you don’t totally screw up, you’ve so far got the best score I’ve ever seen. Go easy on yourself, you’re doing remarkably well.”

Knowing that it was in the bag did indeed relieve the pressure and I completed my drive without taking another point.

As soon as we hit the yard, I started to cry. My pressure valve was open and i just needed to let out the steam.

Once I had parked my vehicle, the examiner counted, “1, 2, 3, 4, 5, wait really…6? That can’t be right. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, yeah 6. A total of 6 points. That is the best damned score I’ve ever had the pleasure to give someone. Congratulations Ms. O’Shae. That was exceptionally done. Now stop crying before you make me cry.”

I did it! I was a full fledged fully licensed CDL holder. All of the hours of work. The pains in my arms, back, and knee had paid off. Not only did I do it but I freaking crushed it.

Today was all about relaxation and not wearing pants. For those of you who don’t know me well, I make lots of jokes about being pants-less. You’ll catch on.

I also spoke with my dispatcher and my next trainer whose name is Adam. Adam will be here late tomorrow night to pick me up. There are still a few questions about what happens next that no one has been able to answer for me. What I do know is that I need to hit a DMV in Washington so I can have my permit license changed to a full license, and I know that Adam is heading back to his home state of New York for the holidays. I’m hoping to be able to at least get some miles with him between Washington and New York and with luck, I may be able to jump off his truck and hit Denver or Chicago for the holidays. We are going to play it by ear. If worst comes to worse I’ll be in a hotel somewhere in New York while Adam spends his holidays with his family.

All in all, I’m ready to see Salt Lake City in my side mirrors as I pull out of this town. I’ll miss my trainer as we have become good friends, but I know I’ll see him whenever I get routed through here and that makes me happy.

When I woke up the town was blanketed with what I assumed was a light dusting of snow. Instead I was told it was an inversion.

Unfamiliar with the term I asked, “so that’s not snow?”

“No” a trainer responded “that’s crystallized atmosphere. Think of it as frozen smog.”

Um, can I leave Salt Lake City now?

The silver lining of this was that the practice pad had a nice dusting which meant I could now really see my turns on my alley dock procedures.

After rationing out where I was going wrong by watching the tracks left in the dust (I mean really, what do I call this stuff?) I realized I needed to start forward of where I had been instructed to start.

Once that adjustment had been made it was a cake walk. Three maneuvers done in a row without points. Alley dock was the last one I needed to master on my backing maneuvers.

Tomorrow, as soon as I get in, another trainer is taking me out for a quick city run to “knock the rust off of my shifting”.

After driving a manual car for years I get the shifting maneuver, even the double clutching required to shift a semi, but I still struggle a bit. I know it’s nerves and having to remember all of the little rules and regulations (no shifting over train tracks, no shifting in turns until your trailer is completely behind your tractor, always keeping your transmission engaged instead of coasting to a stop, etc) and knowing I’m being tested on this tomorrow.

Yes that’s right ladies and gentlemen, I will be taking my final test tomorrow at 10:30am. Am I ready? Of course. Am I nervous that I’m going to F-up? You know it!

I’m pretty confident I will be fine, but I’ve also thought that before. At least, once this is done I won’t have to deal with a manual again since our fleet is automatic.

Until tomorrow all you lovely people…

You read that correctly, parking can be sexy. Now, I’m not talking that boring old pulling into a spot parking, but parallel parking. Swinging a 83′ beast into a 90′ spot without going over the lines (point deduction) and not having to pull up to reset (point deduction) is sexy as hell.

This is what it looks like when you one shot parallel parking on both the drivers side and the blind side. What happens after this is your trainer makes you do it again two more times each side and, when you nail them yet again, gets disgusted at you for wasting his time (but you can see the pride in his eyes).

The last two days have been alley dock practice and that’s a whole different beast. I have my reference points on my truck set so now it’s just a matter of repetition until I have that muscle memory set.

One thing I’m ready for is to be off the practice trucks and on to an automatic. My knee is pretty swollen and sore today from all of the clutch work I’m using. It takes, in my guesstimating, between 30-50 lbs of pressure to fully depress the clutch and disengage the drive train. Over the last week, that’s a lot of use one knee has gotten. Today, since it was a short day is also all about ice and ibuprofen.

Last night we had a company Christmas party and it was amazing, if not a bit nerve wracking due to being in a room with over a hundred people I don’t know. The open bar helped a bit.

For a trucking company the owner spared no expense in showing his employees his appreciation. I missed taking a shot of the main course because….it was surf and turf and delicious and needed to get in my belly.

My test is officially set for Tuesday. That gives me two more days to perfect all of my backing skills and get some in town drive time under my belt. After being here for three weeks, saying that I’m ready to leave is an understatement.

This is my trainers favorite cone. His name is Kenny (the cone not the trainer). He was placed here because today I drove like shit and, for the first time ever, I drove over a cone. Brad got out Kenny so I wouldn’t kill him.

The wall is real and today I hit the first of what I’m sure will be many walls.

After I ate lunch today, I went into the bathroom and had a full on breakdown. I sobbed like a baby because I just needed to get it out. 9 days straight sleeping in an uncomfortable bed, using muscles I haven’t used in a long time, learning new skills and having higher than normal expectations of myself, generally just beating myself up for not being farther along, and I was just done. I know I should be more forgiving but I’m not. So today, I just needed to have a good cry and start again.

I don’t regret my decision to come here so it’s not about that. Today was just a bad day all around for no other reason than the fact that I’m just exhausted mentally and physically, and I know I will have those days.

I’ve progressed on my pre-trip inspection to the point where I only have two more sections to master and then I’ll be golden. My test is set for Tuesday so I have time.

The rest of the afternoon my trainer let me just chill. He knew I was stressed and got some bad news about a friend. I needed to get my head straight and I wasn’t able to salvage anything except…

I parallel parked a freaking semi truck! It was the high point of my day. It was the last thing I did before leaving the training pad.

Being front Chicago, I know a thing or two about parallel parking. In a car I can pretty much get into anything. In a semi with a 53′ trailer it’s a much different ballgame. The mechanics are the same but you have a pivot point between your trailer and your tractor, so it takes a bit more finesse to make it happen.

My first try I came in a bit too sharp. My second try I didn’t cut in hard enough and swung the rear of my trailer out of the box. My third try…perfection. It was sexy as hell, if I do say so myself.

So after the lows of the day I ended with that one high spot so averaging it out I’m still taking today as a win. Tomorrow is another day and this tired girl is ready for bed and hopefully for a decent nights sleep.

Until next time my lovelies.

Today was the start of my second week here in Salt Lake City and I’m ready to go. Living out of a hotel room isn’t my scene.

Today at work was more simulator work and by the end of the day my eyes were burning. The excitement of the simulator has worn off now that I’ve actually driven a truck. While the scenarios it takes me through are interesting, I’ve been through them enough times that I’m bored.

Upon arriving back at the hotel I noticed some take out menu’s for a restaurant called Zilla’s and chuckled to myself. I had left my Godzilla at home while training but here was the universe reminding me that even though I feel a bit of frustration today, I’m here for a reason and everyday can’t be wonderful but it can be right.

Today I found out that I may be taking my test even earlier than I had anticipated. The tester said he put me on the schedule for Friday and I might be freaking out a bit. I will talk to my trainer on Wednesday as I don’t believe I’ll have memorized the pre-trip sequence by then. I feel good with everything else but that part. I’m not going to stress but rather just keep plugging along.

Today was my first one on one with my trainer. After a bleary eyed start at the crack of dawn, I drank a few cups of coffee and headed to the terminal.

Once I got myself settled I took a moment to enjoy the silence of not having any of the boys around. After another cup of coffee it was time to do a bit more simulator work. This time I did scenarios following directions on the Qualcomm.

A Qualcomm is an electronic logging device that is a truckers main tool while on road. It acts not only as their logging device as far as their driving hours but as a messaging service between a driver and their fleet manager, as well as dispatch tool. I’m not going to get into the debate as far as electronic logs go but know that there is heavy pushback from drivers regarding the intrusion of the mandate requiring electronic logging versus paper logs.

For the scenario I was running, instructions would come over the Qualcomm instructing me what it wanted me to do. In this case it was enter a highway, get off at a specific exit, pull into a fuel bay, and then park in a parking space by backing into it. The biggest difference was that I would now have obstacles while trying to maneuver, which I was not warned about.

On my first try, while trying to turn, a car drove on the shoulder and crashed into me while I was turning. I laughed and thought, “that wouldn’t happen in real life.” Then again, I realized that these scenarios weren’t that far fetched. We’ve all seen various acts of stupidity while driving, whether it be in real life or in videos, and while I can think someone wouldn’t be that stupid the truth is those people are out there in the world.

After I was done on the simulator my trainer looked at me and asked, “you ready to try the real thing?” I couldn’t get out of that seat and grab my gear fast enough. Was I ready? Honestly I felt I was born ready for this.

Out on the training pad, we went through the pre-trip inspection. The pre-trip is something that you should do every day before hitting this road. This is a major step in ensuring your equipment is safe and in proper working order. This is also a main component of the exam. I have to point out the location and condition of over 100 items, both inside and outside of the truck. Most of this is done prior to even turning the truck on, but there are additional things you check (such as air compressors, gauges, break leakage, etc.) when the truck is running.

After this was done it was time for some backing maneuvers. Saturday, all that we worked on was backing straight. It was a way to get the feel of the trailer behind me and how to adjust it. My trailer kept pulling to one side or the other but I was able to get a few perfect backs done and realized that sometimes big movements are needed rather that finesse and small movements.

I thought the day would be done then, but no, my trainer felt comfortable enough to take me out on the road. We switched places and he started off and took us to an isolated road on the outskirts of town very near the salt flats. Once there, he pulled over and let me take the drivers seat.

This exercise was not only about spacial relation of my truck and trailer, but also putting my shifting and downshifting skills into use in the real world environment. The road went on for a few miles and I was in heaven. I felt extremely comfortable and could envision my life on the road.

Once we came to the end of the road, he asked me if I felt comfortable getting on the highway. I shot him my best smirk and said “Hell yeah I am.” He laughed and said “atta girl”. My turn was flawless and around onto the on ramp we went. Now I really felt like I was queen of the road.

I took the first exit and went around again on the side road and back on the highway. When my stomach started growling my trainer told me to pull off on the next ramp, pull off to the side, and turn on my hazards as we were going to be ending for the day.

We switched places again and my trainer took over and instead of taking me back to the terminal he dropped me off at my hotel. As I was gathering my gear to get out he stopped me and said “I’ve trained a lot of people in my time and you, little lady, are a natural. You’re going to rock this test and be in your own truck in no time. Now get outta my truck and get some sleep.”

This ended the best day of the week!

Sunday, it was all about backing and no street driving was to be had. While this made me sad, the cold I’ve been struggling with was kicking my rear today so a light day was cool by me.

Offset backing

The object of today’s practice was offset backing. The mechanics are you pull forward, initiate two controlled movements to line up your trailer with a different lane, and then back into them. This was something I struggled with a bit in the simulator as I was having problems seeing what they wanted me to see. In real life it’s different. After getting a walk through I was able to visualize exactly what I needed to do. I did this pretty much all day long. By the time lunch rolled around I could offset on both sides with ease with one of my two free pull ups (pulling forward to realign yourself if you get off track) still in my pocket.

The next two days are going to be slow as my trainer is off, so I will be doing a lot of solo work. After this week, that’s fine by me. I feel drained but over all pretty good and more than once I’ve wondered why it took me so long to make this career move.

For now, I will leave you with a look at my new office, my happy place, and my home away from home.

Today started as all the rest have this week, which is way too early for my preferred taste. The newness of what I’m doing is finally wearing off and I feel more comfortable everyday.

I’ve started to segregate myself from my other trainees for various reasons. Mostly, I’m trying to ensure I keep my mouth shut when I hear their political leanings and musings about “what’s really wrong in this country.” These sort of conversations are quagmires and not something that should be discussed at work, so in go my headphones, on goes the music, and up comes the volume to drown them out.

Today was video game day…or as the boys like to call it “The Stimulator.” (Insert eye roll here) I was first up and quite frankly I set the pace.

For people that don’t know me well, I can seem to have all the confidence in the world but it’s usually a facade. I was a nervous wreck sitting in that chair with a room full of men with outspoken and overblown egos. However after a perfect and flawless run I knew that I was good and had nothing to worry about. Just to be a snot, I stood up and said “That, gentlemen, is how you do it. Beat that.” Now, while I’m not going to bore you with whole lot of detail, all I will say is that I kicked ass and set the pace for the rest of the pack while staying far ahead of them.

We took a lunch break and afterwards I found out I had been turned down by another trainer. Instead of letting it get to me, I dove into my training with vigor knowing that I definitely had something to prove.

We had a second run at the first simulation and then progressed on to learn downshifting and skip shifting. This time there were a few drivers who had wandered into the training room, as well as another trainer. Knowing that one of the drivers could be a potential trainer for me, I resolved to keep my maneuvers clean and my shifting sharp. After my last run, the trainer looked me over and said “well you’re gonna be easy to train because I think you might be a natural.” What I didn’t know was that they had an in-house trainer who they had assigned me to. I was elated to know that I was no longer consigned to the island of misfit toys. The praise was the cherry on top.

Friday started out just like all the rest, but this time the class was getting smaller and smaller. The boys were either departing in their own trucks (for those who already had CDL’s) or off with their on the road trainer. By mid morning there were only three of us left.

Today was all simulations and this time we progressed to backing. Straight backs, off set, blind off set, and parallel parking. These really taxed my brain and spacial awareness but also my patience. Without the normal inertia you would feel with a normal vehicle as it moves, today was a much harder day.

My trainer was in the room the entire time and he wasn’t holding back. In fact, I think he was trying to unnerve me a bit to see what I was made of. I took every jab and threw them right back, while never stepping over the line. By the time lunch rolled around I felt like my eyes were crossed. While my maneuvers weren’t the best, they definitely weren’t the worst, so while internally I was pretty hard on myself, I still felt pretty good. I know that being in an actual truck will be different so I just need to be patient.

After lunch, I shared some of my frustrations with the head of training who has been wonderful to work with. He sat and listened to me beat myself up and when I was done he said “I hope that’s out of your system. I’m gonna tell you something, I get people in and out of this room every week. Some I know aren’t going to make it through the week. Some I know aren’t going to make it through their test. Some won’t even make it through solo driving. You? You’re gonna shine and I expect you to be a trainer in six months so don’t get in your head and just keep kicking ass the way you have been all week. You’re impressing the hell out of all of us. I honestly wish everyone was as easy to train and work with as you are and it’s been my pleasure to get to know you Ms. O’Shae. Now get out of here and leave those boys in the dust.”

So yeah, I’m pretty much on cloud 9. While it stinks that I was turned down by multiple drivers I’m grateful to be assigned to the in-house training program. I feel that learning the mechanics of this job without being under a load and having to meet delivery times is just going to give me a bit of an edge over all. I’m going to have serious one on one time with a trainer who not only has a background in training but also in education. Someone that has methodology to his training and does this for a living. I feel I’m in damned good hands. Plus he lets me give him shit and laughs at my jokes. What more could a girl ask for?

My official behind the wheel training starts tomorrow. There is no such thing as weekends off in this industry so it’s right back to work tomorrow and I can’t wait.

Wait, you want me to play video games all day long? Well, if you insist.

While I wish that were true, I might be stretching things a bit. After being on a 7am shuttle to the terminal, filling out a bunch of paperwork, and taking more drug tests and physicals, my day pretty much consisted of watching videos to make sure I had the required knowledge to move on further.

The simulator you see is a great way for companies to give their students practice time on skills such as alley docking, backing into spaces at truck stops, and parallel parking (yes you have to do that) without putting their own trucks in danger of damage.

The simulator helps to reinforce good habits. The simulator won’t start unless the seatbelt is fastened. It will occasionally make pedestrians jump out in front of you or drivers completely ignore you. There are even modes for different environments such as rain and snow.

As for my class, there is only 3 of us which is great as it will allow us more one on one and simulator time. Right now the only thing that has me worried is the timeframe for getting a trainer. I’m hearing that my time in SLC may be longer than I was originally told. One factor is, not surprisingly, my sex.

The company wants to make sure they seat me with a trainer who will help me be successful. While you may think that my gender shouldn’t play a role in that, it does. This doesn’t surprise me and it was something I was prepared for. If you look at the socio-economic background most truckers come from (speaking in generalities) it is very much a man’s world. That’s not to say that women aren’t making in-roads and there are quite a few women on the road, but there are still men out there who strongly believe a woman’s place is in the home.

While I’d like to believe that in 2017 people’s attitudes and perceptions has changed, a quick look at the news everyday reminds me that the reality is we still have a long way to come. There is to the fact that some wives of truckers may not feel comfortable with their man sharing a small enclosed space with another women. Jealousy is a two way street and I get that. You can tell someone you aren’t interested in their partner, but you can’t make them believe it if they choose not to. So for now, I will be patient and when I finally get a trainer I will happily thank them for being a factor in my success. I am taking nothing for granted on this journey.

Tomorrow I will hopefully have my chance at getting in the simulator and I will try to remember that unlike Grand Theft Auto, driving over pedestrians is bad.